Finally… The 10 Biggest Adjustments Fleeing Californians Have to Make in Their States

Craig HueyCurrent Events, Election, Government, Politics, Uncategorized5 Comments

Hundreds of thousands of people are fleeing California for states like Texas and Florida, but it’s not always easy to adjust to life in an American state. Warning: the following is satire.

Let’s look at the 10 biggest adjustments fleeing Californians must make in their new states:

  1. Strange wet stuff falls from the sky occasionally. Try not to drive your car into a pole when this happens. Take a deep breath. You will get through it.

  2. People don’t say “The” in front of highway names. If you’re driving on I-10 in Texas, you’ll feel the urge to say, “The 10,” but don’t do it. It’s wrong.

  3. You can’t wear flip-flops to church. Not even your “nice” Vans flip-flops. Put on shoes like an adult.

  4. There’s no need to call the police if you see someone with a gun strapped to their hip. It’s OK. The guns can’t jump out and hurt you, no matter what Newsom told you back in California.

  5. “Bless your heart” doesn’t mean “bless your heart.” Well, it might mean “bless your heart,” but it’s a safer bet that it means “that person’s weird,” or “you’re an idiot,” or “I don’t like you.” Or it’s a simple ending to a statement you’ve made about someone that you don’t want to feel bad about.

  6. No one cares about your preferred pronouns. Go ahead and tell an old farmer in Oklahoma that you go by “they” pronouns. The look on his face will be worth it.

  7. Man-buns are unacceptable in a professional setting. Or any setting.

  8. You must go into buildings without any kind of official warning that something inside there might cause cancer. You will just have to take the chance. Be strong.

  9. The weather cycles from hot to cold and back again on an annual basis. Do not be alarmed. These are called “seasons.”

  10. You might have to make your own choices and take responsibility for your actions without the government taking care of you. This is the most difficult adjustment for Californians to make when they move to America, but with time, prayer (also acceptable in red states), and willpower, you can do it!

Those are just a few of the many adjustments ex-Californians will have to make. If you’ve thought of any others, please leave them in the comments below to help these poor communists to enjoy capitalism away from their homeland.

What do you think? Let me know at craig@electionforum.org

5 Comments on “Finally… The 10 Biggest Adjustments Fleeing Californians Have to Make in Their States”

  1. Too funny… I will send this to my 4 nieces and nephews and sister and husband as they have landed in Texas and Oklahoma after being native Californians. Great tips for them!

  2. These are very funny and hurting equally- the idiocy of the state, county and city leaderships that have created and maintain this madness in California is demonic. Thanks for the satire

  3. Escaped Californians will no longer have to worry about having their food or drinks tainted if their waiter or waitress overhear a politically conservative conversation before being served.

  4. We hold a sustainable distain against California fees, taxation, traffic, blanket of social, civic, and speech channeling policies yet; we’re going to stay in California a bit longer. What for you may ask? Well our first reason is being a Christian and that is; too go (or stay) where we are needed. The His church doesn’t need me, those still “vailed” do. The other is; California is rich with foriegn communities and property owners so when the true value our fiat currency is ultimately exposed and crashes, American assets will appear cheap and foriegn buying spree will push California industrial and residential property values to higher levels than states without foriegn community populations. Sad but true.
    Signed, always looking up.

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